Coffee is black and tastes like piss and coal
Well, my beer of choice is Guinness Extra Stout and some people think that tastes like piss and coal, but it's much too early for happy hour and beer doesn't contain nearly enough caffeine for this early in the morning (11:00AM Toronto time).
Besides, I soften my joe with 18% cream. Now you've got me resisting the urge to use a little non-dairy coffee sweetener.
I will not add Bailey's... I will not add Bailey's... I will not add Bailey's...

WTH! Guiness Extra Stout is for cooking! I am beginning to think you and I won't see eye to eye on this.