You're bored so you deem it acceptable to bore us with your unoriginal stories 

Ok how bout this version?
I won my first bitcoin (1,450 of them) from Hal Finney in a bet of whether or not bitcoin could gain resistance from DDOS attacks by implementing two lines of code I had written for my own e-money, ByteCash. I was the biggest donator of btc to WikiLeaks, as I used to go to strip clubs with Julian Assange on the regular, and I also taught Ross Ulbricht everything he knows. He would have stayed out of prison had he heeded my advice but he was too much of a smarty pants.
Also, Last of the V8s is my bastard son.